When Forever Ends
by redconverse96
Summary: What would happen if Alice didn't see Bella cliff-diving at the end of New Moon? Would Bella and Jacob ever be together? Would Edward really ever come back?
1. Prologue

PROLOGUE

The short months of my life with Edward were greater than any I have ever lived. I am so sad that they had to end, but looking back, I'm not surprised.

I had always known that I wasn't good enough for him. His perfection and his beauty set him so far apart from me. And not just on the inside- his soul made him the most impossible person to describe. He was amazing.

I knew that I was lucky that he had given me that much time. Six months was more time than I deserved, considering how small and insignificantly, imperfectly human I must seem to him. That short period of time would forever stand out to me when I look back at my life.

I truly understand now that all good things must come to an end. At least for me.

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Thanks for reading this... there's more coming later tonight because I already have it written. The normal chapters will be wayyy longer than this I promise (:


	2. Chapter One: Hypothermia

CHAPTER ONE

_At that moment, my head broke the surface._

_How disorienting. I'd been sure I was sinking._

"_Breathe!" a voice, wild with anxiety ordered, and I felt a cruel stab of pain when I recognized this voice-because it wasn't Edward's._

-New Moon by Stephenie Meyer

At that moment, I realized that I wasn't breathing. I gasped as the long-awaited oxygen filled my lungs, and choked on more water as it poured from my mouth and nose.

"Bella, what were you trying to do? Kill yourself?" Jacob asked, panicked. He was bent over my body, which was lying, propped up against a rock on the beach.

"No, no, I was cliff diving-"

"In this weather? Can't you see the storm?" He asked. He was still yelling frantically.

"Jake, calm down," I begged him. "I'm fine,"

"You don't _look_ fine. You're whole body is, like, purple and blue!" He said, motioning toward my arms and my feet.

He was right. My skin seemed to be covered in gray and blue spider webs as a result of the freezing water. I could only imagine what my legs looked like under my jeans.

"I'm taking you to the hospital," he said, easily picking me up and running to his car. It was as if I weighed only five pounds. It reminded me of running with _him_. I waited for the memory to start tearing at the whole in my chest but, as usual, Jacob's presence kept the pain at bay. Or maybe it was just because I was freezing cold and experiencing a real, physical feeling of being completely numb to everything, even Jacob's impossible warm hands on my icy cold shoulder. It was completely different than the numbness I'd felt in the months before this.

I didn't protest at all during the drive to the ER like I had in the past. It was probably what I really needed this time anyway. I was in the passenger seat, and Jacob's arm was wrapped around my shoulder like he was trying to keep me warm- as if that was possible.

"Are you sure you weren't trying to kill yourself? You didn't even fight against the current. It seemed like you'd given up," he asked, worried.

"Well," I started. I would try to explain this the best I could. "Initially, I wasn't trying to kill myself,"

"Bella, why..."

"No, wait. It wasn't that I wanted to die. It was just that... at that moment... drowning seemed like the easier option," How could I explain to him about the hallucinations? He wouldn't understand that seeing Edward's face had meant _everything_ to me, would he?

"Bella, you can't do that, ever again. Do you understand how much that would hurt me? And what about Charlie?" he insisted. I'm not sure which hurt more, but the thought of troubling either of them sent shivers down my spine. Or maybe that was just my body finally responding to the cold.

"I'm sorry," I said, staring down at my bare feet. I had left my shoes on the cliff.

"It's okay. I just don't understand," he began, "I just don't understand why you would even _think_ about that, even for just a split second,"

"Jake, you _do_ know why I would think about killing myself,"

I knew immediately that saying that was a mistake. He had always known, deep down, that I would always need Edward more than him- I could tell by the way he talked to me about that touchy subject -but my confirming it was just too much for him to handle.

"You can't _kill_ yourself over a _filthy, selfish, reeking leech_!" He growled, his body trembling as if it were about to explode.

"Jake, calm down!" I yelled as we swerved off the road. The hole in my chest ripped open once again, though my mind didn't seem to comprehend how insulted I should be by Jacob's comment on my love.

"NO! Bella, I can't sit here and watch you die for this _bloodsucker_!"

"Stop," I gasped, sobbing and gasping for breath as I clutched at my torso.

"Look at you, look at how you're acting because of him! He _left_ you, Bella, he didn't want you anymore. He didn't see how valuable you were- he cast you off like he probably threw away hundreds of other girls. It's probably a _game_ to him. And you just play along," He said angrily.

His trembling had slowed, he was controlling himself, but mine had grown worse than ever. The pain that I hadn't experienced since I started hanging out with Jake came back in one heavy blow, like it had been building up all of it's force for the last three months. I had already heard most of this from Edward himself; hearing it from Jacob just made matters worse. About the second part of his argument, I realized he might be right. How could I be so stupid? I hadn't even thought about it like that before. This new pain hurt even more than the rest, building another layer of agony onto my huge mountain of pain.

I writhed and screamed in the passenger seat for what must have been a full ten minutes as Jacob continued to drive. Surprisingly, when I finally opened my eyes and really looked around, we were in the familiar Emergency Room parking lot. At least Jacob had enough sense not to return me to Charlie looking like I did.

He scooped me up from my seat and I was checked into a room in record time. Potential hypothermia sure was higher priority than my usual broken bones here.

I was wrapped in what seemed like ten blankets, still thinking about what Jacob had said, when he called Charlie to tell him to come to the ER right away, giving no explanation to my worried father. "It's worse than usual this time," was the only detail Jacob offered before hanging up.

Charlie was by my side in just a little more than fifteen minutes, and Jacob left silently. Charlie said that the doctor would be in soon.

I was getting tired- nearly drowning sure can take the energy out of someone.

"It's okay, Bells," Charlie said just before I fell asleep. I'm not sure if he was comforting me about my critical condition, or my obvious relationship problems with my best friend.

As I drifted off to sleep, I heard the mournful sound of a wolf howling in the distance. Tears slipped down my numb cheeks as I cried myself to sleep.


	3. Chapter Two: Crashing Down

CHAPTER TWO

_I wondered how long this could last. Maybe someday, years from now- if the pain would just decrease to a point where I could bear it -I would be able to look back on those few short months that would always be the best of my life. And, if it were possible that the pain would ever soften enough to allow me to do that, I was sure that I would feel grateful for as much time as he'd given me. More than I'd asked for, more than I'd deserved. Maybe someday I'd be able to see it that way._

-New Moon by Stephenie Meyer

"Well, Bella, you sure got lucky this time," Charlie said as we got into my truck.

"Just like every other time, Dad," I sighed as I, once again, climbed into the passenger's seat. I had settled into letting him drive, even though I knew I was capable myself. He had given his keys to a friend to drive the cruiser home.

"Bella, I need to talk to you about this," Charlie said, turning to face me as he put the keys in the ignition.

"About what?" I asked.

"About you, _jumping off a cliff _into the ocean during a storm," he said in a highly professional tone that he probably would use with juvenile delinquents.

Oh. Right. I could see how this would look to him. My boyfriend leaves, I go all zombie-esque, and then I commit suicide.

"Dad, it's not like that," I reassured him.

"Then explain right now," he demanded. His face turned red like it always did when he was flustered or angry.

"It's kind of a sport down at La Push. Jake and his friends do it all the time. He was going to show me how, but he was out with his friends, and I was curious, so... I jumped," I said, trying to be casual about it. The truth was, I couldn't really explain without telling him about the hallucinations. And _that_ would probably worry him more than if I told him I was suicidal.

"That's not what Jacob said," Charlie argued.

Now I was confused, because I _had_ told the truth. Just not the complete truth.

"He says that you have been trying to kill yourself since the day you two started hanging out in his garage. All those times in the emergency room were failed attempts that he was lucky enough to catch you at," Charlie said. He sounded angry, but I saw real concern in his eyes, just like the morning nearly three months ago when he had first addressed the issue of my need for a life.

This was definitely something that Jacob would do. He wanted me in trouble and he wanted me grounded, or else he wanted me locked up in a mental institution somewhere so I could get professional help for my problems.

"No, no, no, no, no!" I yelled, nearly growling. "He's _lying_. Dad, you know how clumsy I am. I get myself wheeled into the ER without trying. And I'm not stupid. I wouldn't fail at killing myself that many times," If this hadn't been so serious, I might have laughed at the last part.

Charlie sighed.

"You promise you aren't suicidal?" He said finally after a long moment of silence.

"Dad, I'd never do that to you," I promised.

He double pumped the clutch and the engine groaned to life, loud as ever.

"This doesn't change the fact that jumping off the cliff was a dumb thing to do," He reprimanded.

"I know. It won't happen again. At least without- never mind," I was then reminded that Jacob might not want to come with me any time in the near future.

"You _bet_ it won't happen again," he said. "Because you're grounded. Not allowed out of the house for a _long_ time,"

Maybe I deserved this.

"Okay, I guess I deserve that," I solemnly agreed.

He paused, and sighed again.

"You know what? You _are_ allowed out of the house," he decided. "I don't know what I was thinking. You _just_ started going out again... you just started to get over..." He paused, as if he wasn't sure if he should finish the sentence. I held back my tears as well as I could, but I had to face the window to hide the twisted, agonized face I was sure to be making.

"Bella, I'm sorry," he apologized.

"It's not your fault, Dad," I cringed. "I just... I keep getting it in my head that it didn't really happen, that it was just a nightmare, and then... I realize it isn't. He left, and, all I can do is hope,"

"Hope for _what_?" Charlie asked in disbelief.

"That maybe, just maybe... he still cares, and he'll come back," I said sadly, staring blankly out the window. This was the very first time I had ever talked to anyone about it like this.

"No. No, Bella, you can't say that," he said, abruptly stopping the car in the middle of the empty street. "He's _not_ coming back. The Cullens left. Edward is _gone_,"

"Edward will come back," I argued. It was a useless statement. I tried to stop thinking about it. _He's wrong, he's wrong, _I pleaded with myself; I tried to keep the pain from coming back right in front of Charlie.

"Even if he _did_ come back, would you still want him? He _left_ you; he made you like this. Do you know how hard it is to watch you act this way? You tried so hard. You tried so hard to act normal for Renee and I, but we know that you are still so hurt. The only thing that's helped is Jacob. He's done so much for you, Bella, even though I don't think he _tries_ to help you. You're so much happier around him. And if Edward came back, you might just go through this again. Is that what you want? Huh?" He yelled. His voice was full of hatred toward my love, and his face was now, literally, as red as a tomato and his veins looked like they were going to pop out of his neck.

"Stop," I said in a whisper. It was all I could manage before I had to clutch for my heart, gasping and crying.

"Bella?" I hear him ask, his voice softer. There was a worried edge to the question.

I couldn't answer. There, in the car, the pain was coming back worse than I even thought possible. It was even worse than those first few months, when Charlie was desperate enough to try to ship me back to Renee.

I couldn't block the memories now. The stone walls I'd put up to protect myself from everything I missed were crashing down. I remembered the meadow, and the feeling of running through the forest on his back. I remembered the feeling of his lips on mine, and my whole body ached for a more realistic version of this memory. Then, I saw the color of his eyes, and I nearly screamed out in pain.

_No, _I thought desperately. _You're scaring Charlie._

"Bella, are you alright?" Charlie was yelling now, genuinely terrified. He'd heard me screaming in my sleep months before this, but seeing this happening to me again, right in front of him, was probably making him hurt, too.

"Dad," I yelled in pain, still pulling at my chest as though I had to stretch the two pieces of my body to fit back together again.

"Calm down, it's gonna be okay," He tried to soothe me. Just like he had every night three months before. It hadn't ever helped, and it didn't help now.

"No," I managed, the pain subsiding just a little.

"Yes," he insisted. I wasn't even convinced that _he_ believed it.

But, it was true that it would be "okay" for now. I wouldn't have to double over in pain for my whole life, at least without some breaks.

"Your right. It'll be okay. This happens all the time," I reassured him- and myself. I was still crying, but this time, it was from relief, not pain. I could- I _would_ -get through this. I had to. For Charlie, for Renee, and for Jacob and Edward, whether they cared about me or not.


	4. Chapter Three: Deja Vu

**CHAPTER THREE**

"_**I'm keeping my promise,"**_

**-Jacob Black in New Moon by Stephenie Meyer**

**The rest of the drive home was quiet. It wasn't so strange- Charlie was a quiet person, like me. But it was awkward; this was different than usual. **

**Charlie unlocked the front door and walked inside, hanging up his coat and his gun, which he brought everywhere with him.**

"**When's Harry coming with the cruiser?" I asked, trying to make conversation.**

"**I didn't tell Harry to bring the cruiser," he answered casually. "I gave the keys to Billy, so Jacob will probably be here in a few minutes,"**

**I started to panic. Jacob was **_**not**_** the person I wanted to see at the moment.**

**I half expected him to hand the keys off to Harry anyway, just to avoid me. Actually, that's probably what he would do, I decided. So I climbed the stairs to my room, free of worry. Well, almost free of worry.**

**Half of me wanted to see Jacob and apologize, to set things straight. He was my best friend. I needed him now more than ever, to prevent another round of pain today.**

**I heard a car door slam, and the horn honked as a signal that the car was locked. I jumped up from my bed and practically ran to my window, telling myself not to get my hopes up. But, there he was, walking up the front steps, the muscles on his arms tense and larger than ever.**

"**Hey, Jake. Bella's upstairs, if you want to stay for a while," I heard Charlie offer.**

"**Sure, thanks,"**

**I waited to hear the sound of him coming up the stairs, but it never came. After no more than ten long seconds, I turned around and he was already in my room. That would take some getting used to.**

"**Hey," he said quietly, shutting the door behind him as he stepped inside.**

"**Hey, you're...here," I said slowly. I was trying to decide whether he was still mad or not. He didn't look mad, but Jacob was sometimes hard to read.**

"**Yeah. I figured I owed you an apology," he said, walking forward. "I hate seeing you hurt like that, and this time it was my fault. I'm really sorry, Bella. I realize how much pain you go through every day, and sometimes I think it's because of me and the pack, leaving all the time. You get your hopes up, and then I disappoint you. But I can't live without you,"**

**I was silent for a moment, thinking about how to respond. I was having déjà vu.**

"**Never heard that before," I murmured under my breath at a volume that seemed too low for him to hear from across the room.**

"**It's true," he persisted. I'd forgotten that I knew more than one person with super-human hearing.**

"**That's what I'm worried about. We're both setting ourselves up for disappointment. I need you, and you need me- or, at least, you say you do. But in reality, we won't be able to be together. Not with me, like this... I'm a mess, Jake. It's gonna take a long time for me to get put back together again. Longer than you might think," I tried to explain it to him as best as I could without accidentally hurting his feelings.**

"**I can help," he replied, stepping across the room slowly.**

"**You already are," I said.**

**He paused.**

"**Bella, can I ask you something?" he asked tentatively.**

"**Depends," my natural response.**

"**Okay. What would you say-" he smiled. "-if I kissed you?"**

**Before I could even respond, his arms were wrapped around me, but not in a bear hug like usual. His face was so close to mine, and then our lips met.**

**I didn't fight back; I didn't resist. There was something about this that seemed so perfect, so right, that I wouldn't ever dare to break it. It was so different than kissing a vampire- I felt a shiver down my spine as I thought of this, how weird it sounded to even myself -For one, Jacob was **_**warm**_**. His lips were warm, and they felt comforting against mine. For another, I knew that with Jacob, I wasn't held back by Edward's stupid boundaries- though I didn't plan on crossing them with Jacob any time soon.**

**Slowly, our faces pulled apart. I realized that I was gasping for breath.**

"**I'm sorry," he apologized suddenly.**

"**For what?" I asked, confused.**

"**I'm probably making this whole mess a lot worse than it has to be," he said.**

**He was right. When Jacob went home, I'd probably have nightmares worse than ever before. But strangely, something in me told me that it didn't matter, because I had my wolf to protect me from the bad things I saw in my sleep.**

"**I- I don't care," I stuttered.**

"**What do you mean?"**

"**I don't care. Jake," I paused and closed my eyes. **_**Should I say it? **_**I asked myself. **_**Yes.**_

"**I love you,"**


	5. Chapter Four: Honesty

CHAPTER FOUR

"_I believe that...we have a date,"_

-Jacob Black in New Moon by Stephenie Meyer

We were on my bed, I was lying on my side, under the covers, and Jacob was propped up against the wall, with his hand stroking my hair. Charlie was asleep, and this whole scene reminded me of what I had done with my previous love, in what seemed like another life.

"You know, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me," Jacob said, his beautiful deep brown eyes penetrating into mine.

I sighed. I wasn't sure how to answer _that_.

"Wow," I said. "You are the most wonderful, amazing friend I've ever had,"

That much was true. I hope he didn't pick up on what my choice of words meant, though.

"No, you are," he said. He didn't seem to notice.

"No _you _are," I laughed, jokingly.

"Let's not go all lovey-dovey couple now," he said, tracing the side of my cheek with the back of his warm hand.

We lay there for a few minutes, staring at each other.

I was so happy. It reminded me of how I had always felt in those short six months that would always be remembered as the best of my life. This wasn't exactly the same- but it was, quite possibly, better.

_What am I doing? _I asked myself. _What about _him_? _

I knew that my mind was _not _referring to the boy lying next to me.

What about Edward? Would he be upset, if he knew? Would he be jealous of Jacob? ...of course not. I pushed that thought from my head. I couldn't dwell on the false hope that maybe Edward still loved me. Edward would have wanted me to do this: to move on, to find a new life, one without him. I remember his words: _"Time heals all wounds for your kind,"_ I flinched at the memory. It was one of my most guarded remembrances of the life before- it was from the night he left.

Jacob noticed my unease.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

We went back to just staring at each other, perfectly content.

"What are you thinking right now?" I asked, not breaking eye contact with his beautiful deep brown, happy eyes.

"I'm thinking," Jacob paused, "about you,"

I had already guessed that much.

"What about me?" I asked, happy that he was responding to my playful questions.

"I'm thinking about how much you've changed in the last few months," he explained. "You were so different. That first time you came to see me, with the motorcycles, you were a real mess,"

I blushed. I _was_ a mess, I realized that now. No matter how hard I tried to act normal for Charlie and Renee, it would never work.

"Yeah," I admitted. "I was pretty messed up,"

Jacob waited for me to continue, but I didn't. It wasn't that I didn't _want_ to talk about it, it was that I didn't know if he would want to talk about how much I really missed Edward.

"What was it like... when he left?" he asked slowly.

"Are you sure you want to hear this, Jake? It's kind of depressing, even me thinking about it now," I said.

"If you'll tell me, I want to know,"

"Okay," I started. "Well, you know what happened in the woods. Sam Uley found me,"

"Wait, but I never found out what happened before that," Jacob interrupted. I realized he was right. He wasn't part of the pack back then. He only knew what Sam had seen.

"Oh, right. Well, before Sam found me, Edward and I had gone for a walk. Actually, it wasn't much of a walk as an excuse for him to be able to talk to me alone. I guess it was his way of being able to leave more easily, without confronting Charlie face-to-face.

"So, we started walking into the forest. I could still see the house from where he stopped, and started talking.

"He told me his family was leaving. At first, I thought he meant that I was coming with him. After a few minutes it sunk in that he was only talking about him, his brothers and sisters, and Carlisle and Esme. He said that he wasn't right for me, that he was dangerous. He told me he didn't _want_ me to come with him. It was kind of... a hard concept for me to grasp. I remember, he said, 'You're not good for me, Bella,'" I stared blankly up at the ceiling as I continued to tell my own personal nightmare to the only person who seemed to understand.

"Then, he asked me to promise him something. He asked me not to be reckless, or stupid, and to not get hurt," I laughed, but there was no joke. "And then, He promised me that it would be as if he never existed, and that someday I would be able to forget about him,"

Tears slipped silently down my cheeks, but Jacob seemed to understand that there was no need to comfort me.

"Then, he was gone," I continued. "I chased after him. I was exhausted, though, and I gave up. I think I fell asleep, and then Sam found me."

Jacob cringed. He had seen Sam's memory of me that night. I probably looked horrible, broken, sick, and helpless.

"Do you want me to keep going?" I asked.

"Yeah. The Cullens left in September, but we didn't start hanging out until January,"

"Right," I sighed. That horrible period right after he left was always the most painful to remember, and I would have a hard time describing it. "Well, I'll start with October.

"Charlie was getting worried with my behavior. Every morning when I woke up I would act like I was getting ready for Edward to pick me up for school, always breaking down crying when I realized he wasn't coming. I wouldn't eat for the rest of the day, after I remembered he was gone... and I would wake up screaming every night.

He was going to send me to Renee, so that maybe she could help me. But I refused. I needed to stay in Forks, to be here if he ever decided to come back," I sighed. "How stupid,"

"No, not stupid. If you'd left, you wouldn't be here with me right now," Jacob argued, smiling. "Keep going,"

"Well, after that, things changed a little. I stopped hoping. I stopped remembering. I pretended not to care. I forced the memories from my body. And I didn't have any pain anymore. I realized that if I told myself I didn't care, I wouldn't be in agony all the time. So I threw out everything he'd ever given me. I blocked out everything that could remind me of him- music, TV, anything could send me into a fit of pain. I didn't socialize, I only talked if I was directly asked a question. I stopped participating in class, but I got perfect grades. I tried so hard to make myself seem normal to Charlie and Renee. I was a good girl, I listened and I never complained when I was told to do something. I responded to e-mails, I did my homework and my chores, and I went to work and school every day. I don't think anything would seem strange about me, if no one had been paying attention. But people were.

"So Charlie told me I had to change. That was the morning of the same day that I brought the motorcycles to your place." I sighed as I finished telling the story.

"Wow," was all Jacob said.

"Yeah. I can't believe how bad it got sometimes," I said. "Oh, I forgot to tell you about the... nightmares,"

"This should be interesting," his words smiled, but his face didn't.

"Well, every night since the very first night, I would have the worst nightmares. They wouldn't be scary to anyone but me- you would have to have been there in the forest when he left to understand. In the dreams, I'm always running through the forest, searching for something. I keep running, always knowing that at the very end of the dream, I'll forget what I'm searching for..." I drifted off.

"And then you wake up?" he asked.

"Kind of. I wake myself up, because I start screaming. It's like I'm _afraid_ to forget about him. As if that's even possible," I explained. "And then the pain comes. It's the worst thing in the world, Jake. It feels like a huge hole has been punched through my chest, right where my heart should be. And I have to hold myself to keep from falling apart. Then, the numbness sets in... and I just don't feel anything at all,"

"Bella, you should've told me," he reasoned.

"No, no, Jake. You see, I never _had_ to. Being with you is like... the cure. I don't have nightmares when I spend my time with you. The pain never comes when I'm around you," I said, smiling.

"Well, then maybe we should do this more often," he laughed his deep, hearty laugh.


End file.
